Even though I'm about to mock them some, let me start off the project by pointing out something I like about this book. It is nice to have it put out there that Dominants can have hard limits too. As you guys know, I am a fan of consensual nonconsent and the majority of my partners, past and present, have that at the top of their hard limits list. I respect that. I don't whine about it or try to negotiate around it because respecting each other's limits is an important part of building up trust.
But! (You knew that was coming right) compare how his limits are handled in the book with how hers are. She is expected to just accept his. Imagine his response if she'd said "What's wrong with electric play? I read something about it, and I thought it sounded fun." You guys know he would have shut that shit down pronto.
Yet, he has no problem griping about hers. When she says no to anal he says that he really wants to. And later does. Because her limits aren't important.
So you know how I said it was important to respect limits to establish trust? Yeah, I don't trust fucking Christian Grey so let the mocking begin. His limits are verbatim from the book and written in bold.
- No acts involving fire play
- No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
- No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
Here's a knife safety tip: if you'd like to threaten your partner with one without actually cutting them - use the back of the blade against their skin. To whoever is bottoming in the scene it will still feel cold and sharp, and they will be scared, however a badly timed sneeze is a lot less likely to slit a jugular. And trust me, even if they know you're doing this it will still be scary.
On the blood issues, I was not into blood and had it on my hard limits list for a long time. Then I became friends with Fireblade, and he would post pictures of himself doing things that involved some blood with his partners (obviously he had their permission to post them) and I went from looking away, to actually looking at them, to eventually enjoying the sight of it. After he and I had played a couple of times I talked to him about trying it on me - our sessions are still fairly mild on the amount of blood involved but it's enjoyable.
Of course I also knew him a good year before we played at all as opposed to people that are meant to be together forever and introduce contracts within a week of meeting each other.
- No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
- No acts involving children or animals.
- No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
- No acts involving breath control.
This act definitely falls under R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink.) I personally do breath play on a rather light scale which involves my partner making it hard for me to breathe for maybe ten seconds at time. I feel comfortable with this degree of risk, and I have never passed out or even felt woozy. My boyfriend was recently choked hard enough that he did lose consciousness - something I would not be willing to do, but we all have our limits, and I respect his right as an adult to decide he's willing to take that level of risk.
To sum up, this is another of his hard limit's that I have actually done, but I'm not going to mock him for not being into it..
- No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire, or flames to the body.
Shouldn't fire or flames to the body be listed with fireplay?
Anyway, we know how much I love electricity. So this one is obviously fine with me :) And frankly I think it would be fine with Ana. She seems to like small amounts of pain and you can turn violet wands pretty low so that it's more of a light tickle than actual pain. And yes, I have told Miss Oliver all about that feature. I'm a good friend.
So to sum up, I have done over half of Christian Grey's hard limits. Someone get me a fucking medal.